The last time I felt like this Tim had to stay home from work to care for the kids for a few days. I lay in bed and stared at the ceiling.
The following is from Motherstyles, by Janet Penley for INFP, my Meyers-Briggs type. They are tips for keeping INFP's at their best.
Introversion: "Taking care of me" means getting quiet time for reflection. Take at least half an hour to an hour every day for solitude. Use nap times to recharge. Find ways to meet your young child's need for external stimulation that don't involve you.
Intuition: "Taking care of me" means entertaining new ideas, perspectives, and dreams. Time the basics of day-to-day living with a timer. Enjoy living in the moment. Do a little rather than nothing.
Feeling: "Taking care of me" means time off from constantly being needed. Find out what your own needs really are.
Perceiving: "Taking care of me" means freedom from a tight schedule. Start your day with a crisis list rather than a things to do list. Time some of the tasks you do routinely. Don't back yourself into a corner with a lot of rules you'll ultimately find too restrictive.
For INFP specifically: Rather than constantly doing, the INFP mother may function at her best when she has large blocks of unstructured time--time to deal with the unexpected, time to pursue creative projects, and time to think things through. Always giving to others, she can benefit from giving to herself as well--time to take an afternoon nap, read, walk, bike, or watch a movie or a play.
Naturally tuned in to what others think and feel, the INFP mother needs to practice tuning into her own wisdom, and trusting it, when making decisions on behalf of her children. Because the INFP often represents a minority point of view, she may have learned to discount her own intuition about her child when facing a teacher, physician, or administrator. The INFP mother can empower herself as a parent by confidently acting on her tuned-in understanding of her child, even when others don't see it her way, and by giving herself room to make mistakes and learn from them.
Motherstyles is the most useful book on parenting I've come across to date....So, if only I did a better job of following this advice.....I just get too damned stressed out. And I complicate things unduly by doing things like knitting, that I think will relax me but really just drive me crazy. So far this blog is relaxing. Maybe I could simplify things by kicking Tim off the computer more often to write!
The intuition part is interesting as I am constantly racking my brains to find things that will be of benefit to Sam. For some of it, seems like intuition is all I have to go on. I need to continue to investigate ABA & also have his sensory profile analyzed. But the only other things I can think of are more practice with pragmatics (eye contact, joint attention, back-and-forth exchanges-- verbal and non-verbal communication as opposed to just adding language), more structured one-on-one time, and more physical exercise, preferably structured. I'd like to start a "Mom and Sam" time tradition, maybe on Saturday mornings, when we hang out, have fun and work on pragmatics. I think he needs more exercise too. He thrived on his swim lessons-- maybe call Samena to ask if they'd do adapted aquatics in the outdoor pool, or maybe spend on private lessons? I really think he needs something. Little Gym maybe? (Call them.) Or maybe schedule hikes on the weekends? It's getting dark so early we're getting limited as to what we can do outside after school is out--unless I want to start hanging out at McDonald's. Of course, we'd have more time if I took him out of the full day program....but I only want to do that if I have a structured plan for exercise that I believe would be of more benefit than school. And I think he really needs what he gets there.
Husband just ran off to go play poker with a friend. I was really looking forward to spending some time with him this evening, so am feeling abandoned. Also I suspect that my friend went to a bar without me this evening. I'm not sure I wanted to go, but I still would like to have gone just to see if my antipathy to bars still holds. I haven't been out drinking since they banned smoking in bars & restaurants here. I quit originally because I am extremely allergic to cigarette smoke and the smell drove me nuts as well. (I had long, thick wavy hair practically down to my waist-- and had to wash every night I went drinking before I could sleep--big drag.) Anyway, now I might have more fun. Poor little me. I think I may be starting to feel better.
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