Step One

So, the first, most obvious solution was to drop something from our schedule.

I was driving back and forth from the local public school four times a day, three days per week.

We had homeschool co-op for three hours one morning per week.

We had three separate therapy appointments for one hour each week.

The therapy involved is: occupational therapy to address Batman's heinous printing and below average core strength, speech therapy for social communication skills and psychotherapy for emotional regulation and anxiety.

We had regular showings for our condo.

I had my running group.

I know what they say about self-care, but I axed the running group right off.

The therapy had to stay. Co-op was actually one of the few times during the week I get a break, and the condo was only going to stay on the market through the end of October. So, we decided to drop the public school classes.

That seemed like a straightforward decision. It cleared up our schedule; I started a much-needed decompression process wherein I regained my personality and reined in my overwrought adrenal glands.

But it wasn't, not really.

Ambivalence

I recently drastically altered my schedule. I had created the perfect plan for my family--mainly for Batman, now that I think of it. Every moment of every day was filled with something, and all of it was going to be educational. And the schedule worked very well. For Batman. For Robin, it worked okay. I mean, he used to life revolving around his brother. It probably never occurred to him to question the constant driving. For me, it didn't work at all.

I was the weakest link. I was making two round trips to our local elementary school each day, homeschooling, making three separate trips to therapists and participating in homeschool co-op. I was also trying to get up at 5:00 am two mornings a week to go running and regularly prepping our for-sale condo for showings. I was driving myself crazy. I was perpetually wired and distracted, on an adrenaline rush from the constant activity.

Then I crashed.

It was a little ugly. I realized I was taking everyone's needs into consideration but mine.

What's more, I realized that Batman's needs have taken priority ever since his diagnosis, which was four years ago. I know, I know this is understandable. But the playing field needs to be levelled out a bit. So, what to do?

Being properly supportive....

So, Robin, my younger son with encopresis, invites me into the bathroom for a look at his latest effort. After I'm done admiring it ("Look at all the bubbles!") he proudly informs me that he has "a waggy little penis."

To which I can only reply, "Yes. Yes, you do."

Treatment Guidelines for Primary Nonretentive Encopresis and Stool Toileting Refusal

Yup, my almost five-year old son is still not toilet trained. The title is the title of the article in an issue of American Family Physician I am using as a rough guide to working with him. We've already started our poop diary and will be scheduling trips to the toilet, with accompanying books, throughout the day. I can't see fitting in more than one or two trips past the normal early morning, before bath, and before-we-leave-the-house trips so it shouldn't be too difficult.

Now that we've had his developmental evaluation, and I know this problem is not due to any developmental delay, I can relax a bit and just work with him. Poor kid does fit the profile for ADHD though, and has a poor working memory. I imagine that is contributing in some small way to his issues with this.

And since then.....

Oh, well so much for that promise. I'm trying....yet again......for the value of relaying my experience of homeschooling my son with special needs and it's effect on our family.
So we went to Remlinger Farms today, sort of a combination farm/amusement park out in Carnation. Mostly the day went well. The boys enjoyed the pony ride, the train ride, the car ride, the canoe ride, and the roller coaster. They got to buy the bags of semiprecious stones they had coveted from a previous trip.
Then....we came to the last ride of the day. This one consisted of a winding track, around which people rode on adult-sized tricycles. The staff expressed concern about being able to let everyone ride before they had to close, so I let the boys ride around the track by themselves, so that other kids could go.

At some point, I thought I heard yelling, but the music was blaring so loudly I couldn't be sure. Then a mom and her daughter ride up. The mother informs me that my son was using bad language and bad manners. I ask her exactly what kind of language he used. She said that he was yelling. Oh okay. When someone says bad language to me, I automatically think it's profanity. They walk off. So Batman arrives, gets off the bike and starts yelling. I grab him and start talking to him to get him to calm down. Mom and daughter show up again. Daughter says to Batman, "You are so busted." I try to gesture her away and she takes it to mean that I'm siding with my son. She starts yelling/screaming at him about how she didn't do anything and he starts yelling back at her. The mom informs me that she feels sorry for me and drags off her daughter, who is still yelling.
I turn back to Batman and ask him what happened. Apparently the girl blocked him with her bike......and I can guess the rest. It was probably an accident and Batman freaked out. I still have to wait for Robin. Sam asks to go over to the hay maze and I let him. After a few more minutes, Tom arrives.

I walk out of the ride with Robin and he runs over to the play bus, where the mom and daughter are standing. I walk over to the daughter (she is closer) and she immediately starts protesting that she didn't do anything. I say, "Hon, I know that you didn't do anything. (Mom comes over and stands by her daughter.) When I waved at you, I was trying to get you away from the situation and away from his.....meltdown. I know it must have been really scary for him to get so angry over something like that...." Then segued into the explanation over problems with emotional regulation, high-functioning autism, etc. Their eyes widened when they heard the "a" word--so they obviously knew about it but it had never occurred to them. Afterwards, they thanked me for coming over and explaining. And the good news is, after I left them, I went over to Batman and persuaded him to apologize for being so angry. He did, too, the next time he saw the girl.
So, at least that story had a happy ending, somewhat. As he gets older, outbursts like that freak people out more and more.
On the way home, he asked if he could go back to the farm to ride the roller coaster. He is nervous of roller coasters, so sat out when Robin and I rode it. I said next weekend. He demanded to know why we couldn't reverse time, got into a fight with Robin over it, and nearly bit him. For that, he lost his TV privileges for the evening. (The biting's got to stop, too. He is too old for that.)
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A big change

A few months after my trip into a therapy free world, I had an IEP meeting in late May after a reevaluation of Batman's gross and fine motor skills and his academic skills.
The upshot was that he had core muscle deficits that were keeping him from progressing with printing and that he'd progressed so little in reading that he'd need to go into the resource room for it. He would also need to go in for Math, not because he didn't understand it but because he could not print quickly enough to keep up with the work in class.
I listened to everything and agreed to it all. And then I went home and thought, "I can't do this anymore." A week later I sent the District office my Declaration of Intent to Homeschool.
I'll write a more complete account of this soon. I will be gussying up the look of this blog and I will finally force myself to become more proficient with downloading pictures. I'll also be shifting the emphasis to homeschooling as well as autism. More to come soon, I promise!